Three weeks since my last post is either a sign that I'm getting busier or that I'm getting lazier. Take your pick, since they're both true. I seem to be on trips every weekend. But, when I get back, you've got another thing coming if you think I can be bothered to sit down and write. I would much rather watch TV. As of late, you can thank Prison Break for my inconsistent blogging. Anyway, enough with the pleasantries.
First off, I promise to make this post as scientifically/historically/englishically/geographically/mathically accurate as possible, due to one complaint on my last post. According to BBC logic, that must mean I've offended a couple billion people, at least. My heartfelt apologies go out to you all.
So, on to my trips...
The first of them was to Jeju Island- my Summer vacation. Now, I thought where I live is hot. Well, Jeju Island was like, as Spinal Tap would put it, turning it up to 11. A hike to the top of a mountain left my light grey vest an entirely different shade. In fact, the highlight of that trip was when we paid a visit to a Lava Tube (basically, a giant underground cave) and, while it was still turned up to 11, it was the Air Conditioning this time.
Another, interesting event happened while I was while swimming out at Sea. I decided to 'chill out' on some coral reef- it was very relaxing. That was until the point I decided to leave and the 'fire coral' (jellyfish lurking in the coral) started attacking me from every angle- they were obviously upset I was leaving. Or maybe they were some of the two billion I riled with my historically inaccurate blogging.
Overall though, the trip was a good 'un, slightly marred by it coinciding with the regular evacuation of my bowels. Yes, I had diarrhoea. And, surprise surprise, it's those bloody Koreans to blame once more! The teachers at my school decided to wash my cup in bleach the Friday before I went and not tell me. As I was particularly parched that afternoon, I filled my cup with water and 'downed' it. For the next two days, I think what came out of exit one was more solid than what came out of exit two. Charming.
The last thing we did on the trip was visit a statue park that goes by the name of 'Loveland'. You can guess where this one's going, surely? There were more genitalia on display than in the locker room of a public gym full of old men, post-showering. Coincidentally, this was the one place I finally remembered to take pictures, at last! Lots of pictures. Then maybe a few more. Let's just hope there are enough breasts in the photo album to avoid raising questions about my 'preferences'.
The second trip and the past weekend was spent camping by a river. The sleeping arrangements were a significant departure from the luxury of a bed, TV and air conditioning provided by a Jeju hotel. But that's the camping experience- discomfort for a few nights so you can return to your bed at home and discover that, while previously ordinary, it's the most fantastically comfy thing ever invented by man. Though, the wood I was sleeping on was nothing like the wood on display at Loveland...
I spent the majority of the weekend playing in the pool and getting horrendously sunburnt. The peeling of my skin commenced today- my back looks like the remnants of a spider orgy. We managed to befriend a Korean child who thought our beach ball was much better than his own. Anyway, he coerced us into playing Baseball/Dragonball Z with him.
Despite me hitting several home runs, my shots were declared constantly as “Fouuuuuuul!” or “Ouuuuuuuuuuuut!” Or rebuttal of playing equally as dirty, caused him to flee and introduce the fantastic game of Baseball Z to some other Westerners. Couldn't hack it with the big boys.
Another feature of this trip that I enjoyed, akin to the air conditioned Lava Tube in Jeju, was the abundance of ice cold showers available. This meant, at the slightest hint of perspiration, I was a stone's throw from some sub-zero relief. This probably caused all my sunscreen to wash off, mind, and was an underlying cause of the spider sperm on my back right now. Totally worth it, though.
At this point I must switch continents to America and congratulate my brother, Danny, and his fiancée Marina who 'look like' they're getting married next August. I must also congratulate myself on being selected Best Man- 22 years of 'brothering' finally paid off... Don't worry, I promise to put as much effort into my speech as you did into asking me to be Best Man, Bro...
Finally, I'll switch continents again, and take a moment now to reflect on the current riots in England. As my flatmate Paul pointed out, this is something he definitely doesn't miss about England. No-one here is a bigger enough a**hole to do those kind of things. It just wouldn't happen. And, if it did happen, the Korean citizens would do something about it- Paul reckons they would be outside with baseball bats defending their businesses. I reckon they're all well versed enough in Taekwondo to do away with the baseball bats altogether. If we mounted cameras by the shops, it could possibly be the best John Woo movie ever.
Then again, they should still bring the bats. As we're near a river, while we're waiting for the looters, we could have a game of Baseball Z...
