Erectile Dysfunction? Screw Viagra, try Magic Beans...

So, another week has passed here in Korea/a very large outdoor sauna. Temperatures have been hitting about 30 Celsius all week- fine if you're a hyper-active Korean child with a fondness for sweating. Not so good if you're a 22 year old Englishman with a tendency, to bitch and moan about anything that doesn't conform to his British ideals.

Now I have to admit, after three months, I'm ready for a holiday. It's very convenient for me, then, that this Thursday will see me jet off to Jeju Island for my Summer Holiday. It is affectionately referred to as Korea's Hawaii, so it has a lot to live up. Or maybe it doesn't, seeing as I've never been to Hawaii before.

Anyway, most Britons will go on and on to their friends about how they hope the weather will be hot and sunny during their holidays. Here, however, I find myself in the odd situation of hoping the weather will be cool, with a nice breeze on the side. I get enough heat pretty much all day, every day here. I actually have a slight desire to come back a bit whiter- my perma-tan is starting to make me look a bit too much like something from The Only Way Is Essex (if you're English). Or Jersey Shore (if you're American).

The Koreans actually share this sentiment with me, especially the women. They enjoy wearing huge visor-like caps with peaks clearly designed for someone with a noggin the size of Sarah Jessica Parker. However, if the sun pops out for a spot of fresh air and they should fail to have a head-beak to hand, they always carry an umbrella around, rain or shine. In the hands of Korean women, umbrellas are dual use, as they are effective sun shields in addition to their primary usage.

Why are they so afraid of the sun then? Well, it's all in aid of the desire to look like a Westerner. No, not like a Cowboy. Like the English. Actually, no- it's in order to look like an American. They are the popular ones here- we're basically the uncool cousin. This is the opposite to us, as I mentioned before. In England the people you least want to look like are the most pale. Gingers.

OK, now for Korean random fact number two. Last week, I was discussing the difference between English and Korean customs with my Korean co-teachers. The conversation turned to what you might bring with you to a party or when going for dinner at someone else’s house.

In England, we maybe bring a bottle of wine (if you have class) or Lambrini (if you're a Chav). Or, if you dare to be a bit different, some kind of 'posh' chocolates. It requires careful consideration if you choose this option though. While wine has three choices (Red, White or Rose), it pretty much tastes disgusting. However, the daring Chocolatier has to choose between a three way selection that will divide opinions until the end of time- Roses, Quality Street or Miniature Heroes. If you ever come to my house though, bring Miniature Heroes.

Now, maybe you're wandering what kind of weird alcoholic beverages/chocolates Korea has to offer? Don't. The only dilemma you're faced with when going to a party here is... “Andrex or Cushelle?” That's right, the polite thing to do when visiting another's house is to bring toilet paper. Koreans do not see it as logical that a bathroom should have a plentiful supply of loo roll for everyone to use. This includes all toilet locations- the work toilets, public toilets etc. This means that, if you plan to drop a Gordon Brown during your day, you'd best be packing some 'Soft, Strong and Very Long'.

Finally, on to the highlight of my week- it takes place during one of my reading comprehension classes.

My students have been studying the classic tale of Jack & The Beanstalk in the past few weeks. The story is split into sections to make it easier for them to follow. Each lesson, they have to write about a section of the story they've studied and what they think of what happened.

I love these classes. The reason I enjoy them is not because it's fun to teach or even that the kids like doing it. No, the reason is far more simple and immature- I love reading the kid's errors and correcting them.

It doesn't sound funny yet, does it? Well, it is when you realise that they've got no idea what a double entendre is. So, this week, on checking over the kids' work, I discovered that one girl had written “I think Jack is a lucky guy because he has a huge beanstalk.” Turns out, there was more than one giant in the story, after all.