FrustrAsian

It's been a while since I last blogged but hopefully that means this week's will be packed full of interesting anecdotes. Hopefully. It's really hard to believe I've been here 2 months now and a 6^th of the way through my time here- time flies when your constantly ranting and being racist. I will also get my first full pay cheque next week, consisting of 2.1 million Won (the first month's had a housing deposit knocked off- I was still a millionaire though...)

First of all, before I go on, a warning for you- the blog is about to get uncharacteristically soppy. Only temporarily, I stress.

Anyway, last Friday, during one of my writing classes, one of my students wrote me a 'thank you' letter which genuinely made me smile inside. To do it justice, I'm going to reproduce it here, inclusive of grammatical and spelling errors.

Dear Tom teacher.

Hello. Tom teacher. I'm Jasmin These days the weather is very hot. So I feel angry. Hum... Maby you feel very sad Because your family live another country. But don't cry :-D Thank you for teaching me and loving me. So I will not to miss English class and do my homework every day. You are the best teacher. Thank you again for everything. Tom teacher

Your student. By teacher

Jasmin

June 17 2011

The only thing in the world who didn't find that touching was Microsoft Word, who proceeded to graffiti it with red and green wavy lines. Thanks, Bill Gates & co., for pointing out that I'm a terrible English teacher... On the plus side, it makes me fantastically confident of gaining the status of 'Cool Uncle Tom' when my brother and his girlfriend have kids. Though please, Danny, do not name any of your kids Juan O'Rourke- I may disown said child.

Back to my adventures- the first major bit of activity since last time has been a bungee jumping and white water rafting trip, at Hantam River. In short, it was an awesome day- the only negative I can muster was that it involved getting up at 5am to catch the bus to Seoul. Why so awesome? Intense enough for my competitive side to enjoy, but also laid back enough that I could let loose and really have fun- Korean rafters are definitely up for some cross-continental banter.

The bungee jumping was also a unique opportunity to see fully grown hulks of men reduced to quivering wrecks, the closer they edged to the jumping ledge. When it came my turn, I looked straight down (despite being told to look forward into the distance) and plunged to my death in slow motion. That was until I was saved by the purple rubber band just before hitting the water. It was, at this point, though, that it got painful. How so? When jumping, they strap you in via your ankles. Earlier in the day, I'd hit my ankles on enough rocks to draw blood during a period swimming near the rapids. This meant that every time I hit the bottom of the jump, I experienced a pain akin to if my testicles had been relocated to my ankles. This pain has the added bonus of being in the aforementioned slow motion.

The pain train had, predictably, not finished yet either. When they lower you down after the jump has finished, a man in a boat catches you and detaches you from the bungee cord. Obviously, they were used to tiny Korean men participating. They lowered me down too much and managed to smash my head against the side of the boat while I was still swinging from side to side. Cue massive headache.

When we'd finished, I had a chance to chat to other teachers on the bus journey home. The bus journeys are, actually, always a highlight of these trips- you get to share stories (much like the ones I tell on here) and hear of some stories which far surpass your own, in terms of hilarity. The girl I was sat next to, Danai, told me of an encounter with one child that still has me laughing a week later. It goes something like this.

Kid: Teacher! Teacher! Are you stressed?

Danai: Errr... no. Why??

Kid: Because you have big thighs. My mommy says that, when you get stressed, you get big thighs.

The single best take on comfort eating, ever.

In football related news, I'm still scoring plenty of goals every week and still playing for many different teams each week (please leave your gay jokes in the comments section below). My transformation from centre back to centre forward has, in my mind at least, made me somewhat of an anti Dion Dublin, circa the end of his career.

I've been to a Korean cinema twice now in my two months here. I actually barely notice the subtitles, as I think I tune them out since they're written in what's basically Arabic. My respect for the Korean language is, clearly, still intact.

That aside, I have a message for the lovely folks at Odeon in the UK. Listen up- it is a hell of a lot nicer watching a movie without the headrest lodged in your upper back and your legs squished in a space that is only appropriate leg-room for Vietnam veteran who has had his blown off in the war. Now, I realise I do have a right pair of legs on me but, in Korean cinemas, I'm able to watch in complete comfort and, should I feel the need, even stretch out a bit. Oh, and it also only costs half as much here too. They get it right.

Did, I just praise Korea? What's come over me? OK, they may have cinemas spot on, but in traditional Korean restaurants they regress to much simpler times. The deal is that you take your shoes off on entry. I can deal with that. It's like being in a middle class persons house who like to give the impression they're upper class. Clean carpets are when you know you've moved up in the world, obviously.

I'm off topic once more- back on to it. So, you then have to eat your meal sitting cross legged on the floor, on a table designed for use by the Smurfs- this presents many obstacles. Now, this Summer I managed to get a bit more flexible and can sit cross legged fine now. Obstacle 1- defeated. However, my 'right pair of legs', when crossed, don't fit under Papa Smurf's mahogany furniture range. Obstacle 2- failed.

So, I have the privilege of extending my pins under the table, where they pop out the other end. This results in my left leg falling asleep so that, when we get up to leave, I fall back down again with the grace of a baby deer who has come across a patch of ice. Just call me Bambi.

Continuing the theme of destroying the feel-good feeling the beginning of this blog created, I'm going to address the title of this week's entry.

This past Friday, I had a teachers meeting at my second school. In this meeting I was handed a sheet, written by the principal, that contained her assessment of every one of the classes I teach. The general consensus was that my students are not allowed to make noise, jump about or play games during class until all of their work in the textbook is completed. It seems the concept of learning while having fun and playing games is about as foreign here as I am. Frustratingly, I am now to dictate and have the students just repeat what I say. The kids will love me.

I must also fill you in as to how the principal made these 'judgements' – each classroom is has a camera fitted in it, so you are under surveillance the entire day. However, there's no audio link up- how can she judge from that? Your guess is as good as mine. Now, while she was not in the meeting, I can rest assured she was watching us on her computer with a keen eye.

Always look on the bright side of life, though. However downhearted a week of teaching may leave me, I can always look forward to the weekend- each one boasts a memory or experience that reminds me again why I came here.

So... what day is it tomorrow? Oh, s**t.