Got an STD? I envy you.

At the time of writing, I've been here six weeks- that's roughly 1/9 of the way through. In this time, I feel I've acclimatised to life in Korea. However, it's taken a bit of getting used to. So, rather than a typical update on my life this week, I'm going to give you a perspective of Korea that you won't find in any travel guides (in six points- one per week):

1. OK, so first off, a large number of Koreans walk around all day wearing what are basically surgical masks. The reason? Because the air quality here is ridiculously poor and they don't want it in their lungs. When it rains, the 'yellow dust' from the air liquefies on the ground. This 'yellow dust' blows here all the way from China, apparently, and I have no idea what it actually is. It may be sulphur (I remember that being yellow from Science lessons at school)? OK, I lied, that's an idea. But OK, there are two things that are actually interesting about this. Firstly, all Korean people have super powers- they have some kind of Superman-like vision that allows them to see this dust in the air. I can only presume their whole life is viewed through a sepia lens... Secondly, the irony of the masks- that about 80% of the population smoke. I've actually seen someone, slide their surgical attire down their neck, take a drag, and then replace the mask immediately after. Wouldn't want any of that dirty air in their lungs, of course.
2. Koreans are very private people, and very in keeping with their traditions. One tradition here is, you guessed it, no sex before marriage. You'd be right in assuming that this is one tradition that isn't followed.. However, they still like to 'officially' abide by this. So, one lucrative business here, is that of 'hotels'. As one girl I met in Seattle would put it, this is where they “hop on the good foot and do the bad thing.” So, these places are basically full of randy teenagers and middle aged men with their lady pals. Charming. They're actually quite nice to stay in, my flatmate has told me. Where were these things when I had to sleep on the floor two weeks ago??
3. Koreans are both really kind and really rude at the same time. How? Well, they share everything and are so accommodating- I guess, comparative to the UK, there's a real sense of community here. The teachers at my second school are always bringing me gifts- I've had a watermelon, a coffee mug, cake, waffles and jam to name a few. Rude b**tards. On the other side of the spectrum, they have a zero patience policy- drivers are constantly beeping their horns and swearing at other drivers, when it's actually no-one's fault- just a traffic jam. Also, the concept of a queue is lost upon them- oh, they do exist, alright. However, they hold no qualms pushing in front of each other- no one protests or even bats an eyelid. It warms my soul.
4. Deodorant is not quite as popular here as we're all used to. Outside, I can deal with- the public transport, mind, is much more challenging. The bus is, at times, excruciating as it gets pretty damn hot and this is a lethal combination with B.O. The subway is air conditioned, though. Much better, right? No, just colder B.O. I'm not sure which is worse...
5. Mosquitoes are the bane of my life at the minute. They attack me constantly- I have multiple bites at various locations on my body, including two on the unreachable spot- the middle of my back. This is infuriating. I don't care what my mother says, scratching these itches is good for me. It heals me. True story. The fact that I'm unable to scratch these two itches is a major source of irritation. Quite frankly, I envy people lucky enough to have acquired crabs- they are free from my dilemma of not being able to access my itches.
6. Korean language is f**king hard to learn! They say it's really easy and all but I beg to differ. Case in point- I learnt the word for “here” (I thought this would be more useful than just shouting “yeah, yeah, yeah” repeatedly, when playing football). The Korean word is pronounced “Yoggi.” Come game day, I was feeling confident. Armed with a new Korean word, this was going to be my most effective performance yet. So, there I was, screaming for the ball- “Yoggi, yoggi yoggi.” Nothing happened. Turns out that the Koreans don't use the word for “here” in football. Fail.

So, there you go. Pretty cynical? Come week 12 you can probably look forward to six more culturally insensitive observations. Actually, all my cynicism may have been used up and I'll be extolling the virtues of the Korean lifestyle. Knowing me, don't get your hopes up.