Pink Floyd were wrong about "The Wall" -There's no way in hell I feel 'Comfortably Numb'...

So, a training update for you all.

With only five weeks to go until the goliath of all fitness tests comes around, I’ve upped my training regimen. What started out as a challenge I was looking forward to conquering with relative ease, has now turned into a dark cloud of dread.

Why? Well, for starters, I only gave myself about ten weeks to train. Check any marathon training plan and you’ll see it’s mapped out for twenty-five weeks. So, I making up lost time- and it’s taking a great toll on my body. I’ve encountered no end of roadblocks which have stunted my already ridiculously too short training plan.

First, as you already know from my last entry, there was the excruciating pain on the bottom of my right foot that I acquired after about a week into training- just a few eight mile runs. So, I had to take about a week off to let the agony subside, and wait for my super-duper new running shoes to arrive. (Incidentally, they’ve actually done the trick!)

After that, I decided to take my training to the slopes and do a weekend of skiing to let loose. I should’ve kept to the roads as the old crap-tastic rental ski boots left me with a black right big toe. This, once more, left me with about the walking ability of Stephen Hawking. When I decided to cut said nail, to see if I could get closer look at the damage underneath, a whole mess of red and white fluid erupted all over everywhere and left the nail a nice yellow colour. R.I.P.

I had to get back to training, and hard. So, I took the new shoes out, in the belief that they would caress my feet and all would be great in the world again. After an hour, they left my heels, ankles and soles bloodied and blistered. Money well spent. (Note: we’ve since developed a close bond, and they’ve agreed to be nice).

Next up, if you think England is bad for snow right now, you don’t realise how lucky you are. I’ve been doing all the aforementioned training in the white stuff, Rocky IV style. But I don’t have Paulie to motivate me, just inconsiderate Koreans blocking the path, and dogs (so small they might as well be cats) chasing me. At least Paris Hilton has the courtesy to put hers in a handbag…

Yesterday, actually, I had a Forest Gump episode on my run with only three miles or so to go. I overtook a Korean businessman who was walking along in front of me. About five seconds later he began to, in full suit and tie, start jogging behind me for about the next ten minutes. In the film, it was perhaps inspiring. In real life, it’s ever so slightly creepy. But actually, it worked. Before I overtook him, I was praying for the end. After, I spent the last part of my run thinking “Must… not… let… Jackie Chan… overtake… me…” Come the actual thing, there’s gonna be hundreds of them- I’ll be just fine, then.

I’m still not finished, though. The final impingement upon my efforts is still bothering me right now. All the intense training has weakened my body and left me susceptible to disease. As I write this, I’m delirious on account of Man Flu. As, if running half marathons as mere training wasn’t sapping enough, I now have no energy and a constant headache to motivate me to the finish line.

But don’t worry guys, I’m staying positive.